Tips on Life in Small Bites

Procrastination  What is Procrastination  Functions of Procrastination  How to Make Procrastination Work for You  When Procrastination No Longer Works  Summary What is Procrastination  Definition: The action of delaying or postponing something. Putting off what needs to be done. Avoiding negative emotions associated with an upcoming activity. A creative person’s unconscious is working on the subject at hand, even though the person is not actively engaged in the activity. The creative person needs an outside deadline to get them to complete the task. As the deadline approaches, the unconscious work/preparations come to the forefront of the brain, and the creative person can “pull it together” and accomplish the task.  There are two types of procrastinators: The ones who feel energized when the deadline is upon them; The ones who engage in self-attack/self-hatred for having postponed what needed to be done to the very end. The first type is able to enjoy...

Seven Keys to Rewarding Relationships INTRODUCTION: After being married 36 years to my soulmate, we have learned a few keys to live out Shalom in our relationship. This was not the case for all our marriage, especially the first five to ten years, where we were locked in power-struggles, needing to prove ourselves right and the other wrong. It was an either me or you situation. Many times, we were enemies of one another. At one point, I yelled at him, “One of us must die for this marriage to end. It could be me or you, either one would do!” We spent (wasted) hours and days on end, trying to prove why, and “process” interactions we found hurtful.  We laugh now, but back then, it truly felt critical to us, as if our lives depended on it. This is not limited to marital or familial relationships. We can apply these concepts to all relationships. Key # 1: Do Not Take Offense – Extend Grace Instead When the other person says or does something that we find offensive, we can either take on...

Key to a Fulfilling Life – Part One Do Not Take Offense Outline Introduction The Offender’s Perspective Possible Unhelpful Responses Our Alternative Choices Practical Steps Introduction All humans are flawed. Everyone makes mistakes. People will hurt or disappoint us. We are bound to hurt and disappoint others.  Hopefully, the hurt incurred is not intentional. Regardless of the motivation/intention for the hurt incurred, the recipient experiences its harm.  Hurt is inevitable; suffering is optional. The Offender’s Perspective Most offenders have moved on after doing their damage. They had a “moment” of bad mood, a flash of anger, out of control of their emotions, giving into their feelings and taking them out on others, making a poor choice, temper tantrum, venting of their feelings, giving into their sadistic emotions, identification with the aggressor, emotional dysregulation, wanting others to feel how bad they felt, etc.  Most of the time, the offender does not recall...

Overthinking Outline: What Overthinking Looks Like  Functions of Overthinking Addressing Overthinking What Overthinking Looks Like  It is natural for us to recall what happened to us. It is when this recollection of what took place repeats over and over, and consumes our mind and energy, that we label it as “Overthinking.” Unable to let go of the same or similar thoughts about what took place. Replaying what went on, repeatedly. Regretting what happened, as we repeatedly replay what took place. Continual desire to re-do what took place. Continual daydreaming about or wishful thinking for how something could have gone instead. Tendency to plan for how we could do things differently going forward. Tendency to analyze or assign motives behind someone else’s words or actions. Inability to accept interactions with others at face value, as we think people mean something different than what they say. Tendency to “read between the lines,” trying to figure out what others “actually mea...

Narcissism  Outline:   Understanding Narcissism  Traits of Narcissism  Contributing Factors of Narcissism  How to Tackle Narcissism in Ourselves  How to Interact with a Narcissist  Understanding Narcissism  A narcissistic person’s emotional needs were not met as an infant or as a young child, leaving deep hurt and scars in us. We operate out of the sense that there’s not enough resources to go around; operating out of a sense of scarcity. We try to manage these feelings through our coping mechanisms.   These coping mechanisms can come across as selfish, self-centered, excessively entitled, grandiose, arrogant, insisting on special treatment, need for admiration, acting like we are most special, lacking empathy, using (exploiting) others for our own benefit, controlling, manipulating, and gaslighting.  While these coping mechanisms can repel others from us, they really are us doing the best we can to mitigate our deep hurts and sense...

Perfectionism   Outline: What Perfectionism Looks Like  What Perfectionism is About  Addressing Perfectionism  Practical Tools   What Perfectionism Looks Like  “Black-and-white” thinking: Things must be just right.  “Unless something is right, it is all wrong.”  An “All or nothing” attitude.  No mistakes or failures allowed/accepted.  No compromises.  Type “A” personality.  No flexibility.  Self-imposed expectations.  What Perfectionism is About  Need for control coming from a deep fear of not having control/power over one’s life.  Desire to feel competent and/or powerful.  Insecurity deep down.  Need to live up to expectations, for fear of being a failure or disappointment.   Fear of losing the affirmation/validation/acceptance for having done well in the past.  Fear that one is a failure/inadequate/not good enough.  Fighting against low self-worth/self-confidence.  A...

 How to Handle Depression What is Depression Signs of Depression Causes of Depression How to Address Depression  Practical Tools  What is Depression Depression is anger turned inward/toward oneself. It is a “normal” emotion. It’s an implosion vs an explosion. When it is severe, it can cause one to become immobilized. General/normative depression vs diagnosable Major Depressive Disorder. Signs of Depression Sleeping too much or being unable to sleep much. Over-eating or loss of appetite/noticeable weight gain, or weight loss. Losing interest or pleasure in activities one used to enjoy. Feeling tired or fatigued on a consistent/long-term basis, without a physical cause. Feeling sadness, irritable, emptiness, or hopelessness. Feeling worthless or excessive guilt. Difficulty with concentration, being forgetful, and unable to make simple decisions. Desire to “sleep and not wake up.” Thoughts of death or suicide. Suicidal gestures or attempts. Causes of Depression Disappointmen...