Tips on Life in Small Bites

Expectations Toward God What are Expectations Erroneous Expectations Toward God Healthy Expectations Toward God and Life God’s Promises We Can Count On How to Adjust Our Expectations What are Expectations Definition: To think something will probably or certainly happen. Our history/experiences inform/confirm what most likely will happen. Something that was taught us. Something we saw happen with others and assume will also happen with us. This includes what we see in the media and on social media. Sometimes we experience something as our “right” to have/obtain. True expectations are to be:  Discussed. Doable. Agreed upon by all parties involved. Without these components, it’s our desire, wishful thinking, or fantasy. Erroneous Expectations Toward God "God is the Giver of good things, so He will never allow anything but good things for us: Physically, financially, professionally, interpersonally, socially, and familial." We think if we’ve lived “right,” God will certainly bles...

How to Healthily Indulge in Secret Pleasures Importance of Self Care The Superego, Ego and the Id  Activities to Pamper Ourselves with That Do Not Need Others’ Cooperation What are Secret Pleasures Why Secret Pleasures Unhealthy Secret Pleasures Healthy Secret Pleasures Importance of Self Care God made us as humans with our limitations. We need to recharge and refuel to function normally. We need more than physical sustenance. We need to be dependent on God for our spiritual sustenance, as He is our only source of spiritual sustenance: Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. In Him we have fullness and abundance of life. Our soul need attending to for mental wellbeing. The Superego, Ego and the Id Our “Superego” functions as a “parent,” who tells us what we ought to, must and should do.  Our feeling of guilt comes from the superego which functions as our conscience. Our “Id” is like “the little kid” in us, who wants to do whatever it wants to do, whenever it wants to do it, ...

Procrastination  What is Procrastination  Functions of Procrastination  How to Make Procrastination Work for You  When Procrastination No Longer Works  Summary What is Procrastination  Definition: The action of delaying or postponing something. Putting off what needs to be done. Avoiding negative emotions associated with an upcoming activity. A creative person’s unconscious is working on the subject at hand, even though the person is not actively engaged in the activity. The creative person needs an outside deadline to get them to complete the task. As the deadline approaches, the unconscious work/preparations come to the forefront of the brain, and the creative person can “pull it together” and accomplish the task.  There are two types of procrastinators: The ones who feel energized when the deadline is upon them; The ones who engage in self-attack/self-hatred for having postponed what needed to be done to the very end. The first type is able to enjoy...

Seven Keys to Rewarding Relationships INTRODUCTION: After being married 36 years to my soulmate, we have learned a few keys to live out Shalom in our relationship. This was not the case for all our marriage, especially the first five to ten years, where we were locked in power-struggles, needing to prove ourselves right and the other wrong. It was an either me or you situation. Many times, we were enemies of one another. At one point, I yelled at him, “One of us must die for this marriage to end. It could be me or you, either one would do!” We spent (wasted) hours and days on end, trying to prove why, and “process” interactions we found hurtful.  We laugh now, but back then, it truly felt critical to us, as if our lives depended on it. This is not limited to marital or familial relationships. We can apply these concepts to all relationships. Key # 1: Do Not Take Offense – Extend Grace Instead When the other person says or does something that we find offensive, we can either take on...

Key to a Fulfilling Life – Part One Do Not Take Offense Outline Introduction The Offender’s Perspective Possible Unhelpful Responses Our Alternative Choices Practical Steps Introduction All humans are flawed. Everyone makes mistakes. People will hurt or disappoint us. We are bound to hurt and disappoint others.  Hopefully, the hurt incurred is not intentional. Regardless of the motivation/intention for the hurt incurred, the recipient experiences its harm.  Hurt is inevitable; suffering is optional. The Offender’s Perspective Most offenders have moved on after doing their damage. They had a “moment” of bad mood, a flash of anger, out of control of their emotions, giving into their feelings and taking them out on others, making a poor choice, temper tantrum, venting of their feelings, giving into their sadistic emotions, identification with the aggressor, emotional dysregulation, wanting others to feel how bad they felt, etc.  Most of the time, the offender does not recall...

Overthinking Outline: What Overthinking Looks Like  Functions of Overthinking Addressing Overthinking What Overthinking Looks Like  It is natural for us to recall what happened to us. It is when this recollection of what took place repeats over and over, and consumes our mind and energy, that we label it as “Overthinking.” Unable to let go of the same or similar thoughts about what took place. Replaying what went on, repeatedly. Regretting what happened, as we repeatedly replay what took place. Continual desire to re-do what took place. Continual daydreaming about or wishful thinking for how something could have gone instead. Tendency to plan for how we could do things differently going forward. Tendency to analyze or assign motives behind someone else’s words or actions. Inability to accept interactions with others at face value, as we think people mean something different than what they say. Tendency to “read between the lines,” trying to figure out what others “actually mea...

Narcissism  Outline:   Understanding Narcissism  Traits of Narcissism  Contributing Factors of Narcissism  How to Tackle Narcissism in Ourselves  How to Interact with a Narcissist  Understanding Narcissism  A narcissistic person’s emotional needs were not met as an infant or as a young child, leaving deep hurt and scars in us. We operate out of the sense that there’s not enough resources to go around; operating out of a sense of scarcity. We try to manage these feelings through our coping mechanisms.   These coping mechanisms can come across as selfish, self-centered, excessively entitled, grandiose, arrogant, insisting on special treatment, need for admiration, acting like we are most special, lacking empathy, using (exploiting) others for our own benefit, controlling, manipulating, and gaslighting.  While these coping mechanisms can repel others from us, they really are us doing the best we can to mitigate our deep hurts and sense...