Forgiveness



Outline:

  • What is Forgiveness
  • What Forgiveness is NOT
  • Why Should One Forgive
  • God’s Forgiveness Toward Us
  • Our Forgiveness Toward Ourselves
  • How To Forgive
  • Reaping the Rewards of Forgiveness


What is Forgiveness

  • Forgiveness is choosing to let go of the debt others owe us for the hurt/harm they’ve incurred in us.
  • Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling.
  • Forgiveness is needful when others have intentionally hurt us.
  • Forgiveness is needful when others have unintentionally hurt us through their neglect, abandonment, inattentiveness, ignorance, or cluelessness. 

What Forgiveness is Not

  • Forgiveness is not denying the wrong done to us. 
  • Forgiveness is not making okay what was done or not done to (should have been done for) us.
  • Forgiveness is not allowing the aggressor to continue to hurt us.
  • Forgiveness is not forgetfulness: As we forgive our aggressors, we need to remember how they are so we can adjust our expectations and be wise to protect ourselves as needed.

Why Should One Forgive

  • Forgiveness is for us, not so much for the aggressor.
  • Forgiveness is to free us from continuing the harm inflicted us by our aggressor – that we are now inflicting on ourselves.
  • When we forgive, we are taking back control of our minds and hearts from the damage others have done to us.
  • God mandates us to forgive as He has forgiven us: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15).

God’s  Forgiveness Toward Us

1) God’s forgiveness of our sins is total: 

  • “For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:11-12).
  • He will again have compassion on us; he will tread our iniquities underfoot. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea” (Micah 7:19).
  • “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

2) God forgives our sins for His own sake:

  • So we can become God’s righteousness (being holy like Him): “For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Corn 5:21).
  • So He can resume intimate relationship with us: “I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake” (Isaiah 43:25) – God Who is holy can only have intimate relationship with those who are holy. So He cleanses our sins to make us holy in order to have intimate relationship with Him.
  • So He can commission us to become His conciliator/intermediary: “That is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation” (2 Corin 5:19).

3) When God forgives us of our sins, He forgets them: 

  • “I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins” (Isaiah 43:25); 
  • “For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more” (Hebrews 8:12).

Whether or not we forget the aggression someone has done to us has to do with expectations. Not forgetting how our aggressor acts is prudent for us to adjust our expectations toward how they are, as we continue to interact with them. That's why when we forgive others, we do not forget. 

It's different with God, as God knows us thoroughly and expects that we will continue to sin. He has already gone ahead and paid for all of our sins - even before we've committed them - thus, He can forget our sins after He has forgiven us.

Our Forgiveness Toward Ourselves

  • We need to forgive ourselves when we’ve done wrong.
  • Sometimes we hold ourselves in contempt in order to:
    • Ensure we would not repeat our wrongful acts.
    • Shame ourselves so we would stop our wrongful habit.
    • Punish ourselves, as we believe that we do not deserve forgiveness.

  • Self-forgiveness can be the hardest and bravest thing we can do for ourselves.
  • When we do not forgive ourselves, we are in essence saying we are above (higher in status and more powerful than) God - when He has already forgiven us in Christ Jesus.
  • We cannot fully forgive others if we don’t first forgive ourselves, because we haven’t yet experience full forgiveness.
  • Criticism begets criticalness/judgment.
  • Grace begets grace.” 

How to Forgive 

  • We choose to forgive others each time we think of them or of the hurt inflicted by them…and feelings will eventually follow.
  • Each time we remember or feel the pain of the wrongs done to us, we choose to forgive the person by praying: 

In Jesus’ Name I choose to forgive so and so for what they have done to me. Just as I am fully forgiven and my debts canceled by Jesus, I offer up to God the debt this person owes me so that I might be set free from the hurt they’ve incurred in me. I take back the joy and peace that was robbed of me by this person’s wrong doing toward me.

  • We can visualize the debt our offender had done to us as a sack of stones being tied to their back. Their sack of stones has a strap that is tied to our much bigger and heavier sack of stones around our neck, choking us. Imagine us choosing to cut off the straps tying this sack on their back to release them of the debt they owe us. In so doing, the heavier sack of stones around our neck falls off and we get to walk away lighter, freer and joyful - because their debts toward us no longer has power to continue to oppress us!
  • We know we’ve fully forgiven the other person when we are able to: 
    1. Sympathize/understand how their insecurities and wrongful reactions to their own hurts and pains might have contributed to their sinful acts toward us.
    2. Empathize with them in their failures.
    3. See the “purpose” God had for allowing this hurt/harm ~ How God has been able to turn what was meant for harm into something good (Genesis 50: 20 ~ “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done…”).
    4. Truly wish good for them.

Reaping the Rewards of Forgiveness:

  • When we have forgiven our aggressors and the hurt they’ve caused in us, we get to walk out of the prison of our bitterness and resentment that had shut us in as in a solitary confinement of a prison cell.
  • We walk with lightness in our steps and in our hearts.
  • We once again have hope for the future.
  • We become gracious and this graciousness toward others attract them to Jesus.
  • We live unencumbered lives. 
  • We become the fragrance of Christ that non-believers smell on us.
  • We become wise: Knowing the harsh realities of life, while still maintaining hope.

Colossians 3: 12-14 ~ “12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”


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