What Love Looks Like


Outline:

  • Expressions/Experiences of Love: Affective; Intentional
  • Love as a Verb
  • Love is a Choice


Affective Love

  • “Affect” here refers to one’s emotional experience of one’s feelings.
  • While all four loves (Storge, Philia, Eros & Agape) can be experienced this way, this is where Storge love is more “felt” – the affection one feels for another. (View blog post on "The Four Loves" for further elaboration on this.)
  • Some adjectives for this felt love are: Tenderness, gentleness, warmth, closeness, enjoyment, belonging, intimacy, satiation, connectedness, contentment, well-being.


Intentional Love

  • Intentional love is being thoughtful: Taking time to study and know the object of our love.
  • Intentional love is being considerate: Choosing to put aside our own conveniences and desires to yield to the other.
  • Intentional love is choosing the good of the other over our own desires, wants and conveniences.


Love as a Verb

  • Our love is usually experienced by others through our actions - Although sometimes we just feel it, and it could also be a non-verbal “understanding.” This is especially so in Philia love (experienced through common goals, common tasks, common mission, common understanding).
  • Love unexpressed though, could be hard to be felt/experienced by the other, e.g.: One way crush we have toward someone (I was admiring how pretty my goddaughter looked, but never told her - her mother encouraged me to express it directly to my goddaughter).
  • Unexpressed love could cause a lot of projection and reading into things; making assumptions; mind-reading; misunderstandings, and possibly disappointment - since no one can read our mind.
  • When we love through action, others can experience it concretely/tangibly.
  • Love in action minimizes misunderstandings and unnecessary hurts.
  • Love in action include verbal expressions as well as non-verbal behaviors (I like to physically bump my nephew when I see him; Some family members enjoy wrestling or play-fighting with one another).
  • "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman speaks of five ways we might: A) Express and, B) Receive love: 1) Verbal Affirmation; 2) Physical Affection; 3) Quality of Time; 4) Giving of Gifts; 5) Acts of Service: 
  • When others do not speak our love language, it behooves us to understand their love language being expressed and do our own love-language-interpretation to appreciate their expression of love toward us, so we can feel the love from them.
  • We could also intentionally “speak” the other person’s love language, so they can better experience our love: It’s a win-win situation.
  • We can share what our receptive love languages are, so the other doesn’t have to guess.
  • We can ask for the other person to consider speaking our love language. However, it is good to manage our expectations that they can or will speak our language: Not expect it, but ask for it.
  • “Expect the worst and hope for the best” as we share what we’d like from others, so we don’t get disappointed or bitter or resentful – while still have hope that the other might one day give us what we’re asking for.


Love is a Choice

  • Jesus commands us to love God and to love others: “30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these” (Mark 12: 30-31).
  • We might do well to check on how well we’re loving others from time to time by looking at a list of the characteristics of love listed in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7: “ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
  • We don’t have to like someone to love them.
  • We choose to do what is good for the other person regardless of how we feel toward them: There are seasons when we dislike our loved ones. We can choose to still show up for them and do what is in their best interest, even when it costs us something.
  • Jesus calls us to love our enemies and those who do wrong to us in Sermon on the Mount: “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5: 43-48).
  • Bob Goff wrote a book titled, "Love Does" that speaks of practical ways we can love others (especially people who we might not know personally) in action. It's a good and easy read.


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